EMOTIONAL SCARS OF CHILDHOOD INDOCTRINATION

Most fundamentalists are indoctrinated from childhood, where we grow up in these vacuums where critical thought and expressing emotion are sinful and guilt and fear tactics are pervasive. When our minds try to develop in this state we internalize guilt, fear, shame, anxiety and self hate. These feelings don't go away when you leave the church.

Fundamentalist Christianity teaches us to blame ourselves for what we should not be held accountable for (the alleged crucifixion of Christ, saving the souls of others). It teaches relentless perfectionism (you must be ready at any moment for the rapture) and self-doubt (you are supposed to turn to the Bible and spiritual leaders instead of trusting your own judgment). It teaches us to suppress our emotions (because anger and sorrow are not of God).

Children who grow up suppressing thought and emotion grow up to be adults who may struggle with emotional regulation or even cognitively.

To give children the guilt of a crucifixion, the terror of Hell, shame in their own skin, and distrust in the real world, bears the potential to inflict a deep and lasting trauma on the mind and heart.
In fundie families emotions themselves can be sins. Kids aren't given tangible tools to cope with anger, frustration or sadness. We're taught to pray bad feelings away.

But what if faith is what causes the bad feelings? And what if they persist beyond your discarding of the faith?

Psychologists who study religious trauma say religious training can damage our ability to feel free, open, and joyous; to express ourselves, to identify and process feelings like anger, sadness, and fear. But these are skills essential for human mental and emotional health.

We must learn to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, because emotions aren't bad. When we've been denied permission to connect with our anger, frustration, anxiety or grief because of the notion that doing so will put our salvation at risk, we don't learn to process negative feelings in healthy ways.

When this brand of fear-based love for God and parents has been normalized, deconstructing Christians may struggle to find, accept and embody healthy versions of love.

Often, corporal punishment methods which further confuse and victimize children are used. "He who spares the rod hates his children," wrote ancient men with no access to modern psychology. "Make it hurt," roared James Dobson on Focus on the Family, a radio show for conservative Christians. So evangelical parents do. And children grow up resentful and distrusting of their parents, confused about what love should feel like. They often struggle with authority and aggression.

Read more on our blog: Spare the Rod

Whether or not violence is a staple, parenting methods that deny children the space to develop under compassionate, informed guidance, instead indoctrinating them with the idea of this omniscient god in their head and original sin in their hearts, can lead to emotional problems that can persist long post-deconstruction: bottling up and self-shaming, self hate and anger.

Evangelicals don't often seek mental help for themselves or their children either. Mental illnesses are sometimes considered demonic oppression. As the narrative goes, if we're praying hard enough that won't happen to us. This teaches self-blame for feelings instead of providing validation and coping skills.

Some survivors of indoctrination never learn tools for coping with emotion we should all be taught as children. They run the risk of growing up with a habit of invalidating their own emotions- or the alternative- feeling angry and entitled to all the love and pride never permitted to feel.

Dr Jill Harvey, a therapeutic psychotherapist who specializes in working with second generation adults who have grown up in high demand religious groups also grew up in one. I attended her seminar on developmental religious trauma, during which she also discussed features in her own upbringing that also came out in her doctoral research.

Dr Harvey:

"Religious trauma results from an event, series of events, relationships or circumstances within or connected to religious beliefs, practices or structures that is experienced by an individual as overwhelming or disruptive and has lasting adverse effects on a person's physical, mental, social, emotional or spiritual well-being, but what about trauma that we experience on a chronic, prolonged basis in those growing up years when we're very malleable in many, many ways?"

She points out that fundamentalist kids often grow up constantly in a state of hyper alertness with adrenaline and cortisol. Current childhood trauma deforms the young personality, and these children develop a cult pseudo personal particularly in the growing up years.

Speaking to my own experience, I was constantly chewing on my nails about the Rapture, questioning my values and character because I couldn't speak in Tongues yet, and I helped to form a youth group that performed skits and sermons at all the churches in town. Saving souls was a demand. If I wasn't doing that, what was I living for?

"The injurious effects of toxic stress on the body's release of damaging hormones in the growing up years is highlighted in literature. The constant activation of the autonomic nervous system, which disrupts many of the bodily systems during sensitive developmental periods is also highlighted," Dr Harvey pointed out.

But when you're a kid, a teenager, you don't see that you are being traumatized. You've got that religious tribalism attitude. You are superior. You are elite.
You are saved.