What Invalidating Religious Trauma Sounds Like

I recently posted about my experience with religious trauma online and I was preached at, scoffed at and mocked by an evangelical asshole who felt like MY TRAUMA invalidated HIS GOOD EXPERIENCE with faith.

Trauma is fucking valid OK? Even religious trauma. If you told me you had trauma from philosophy I would validate you. My experience has been great but that doesn’t invalidate yours if it was negative. Literature is subject to interpretation. Will I give you a speech on how you didn’t interpret it correctly? Nope. I’ll give you grace because trauma hurts.

My trauma from religion has been invalidated my whole life. Smirked at, preached at. Here are some common invalidating remarks I hear as an ex Evangelical vocal about the lasting scars of indoctrination.

You didn’t really know Jesus.

This argument proposes that I would have felt peace rather than confusion, shame and fear during my indoctrination but I didn’t really manage to connect with Jesus because I wasn’t really saved.

Why would Jesus reject the love and prayers of a child? They never have an answer for that. They move on to another argument.

Your church gave you false doctrine.

Jesus is all about love, this argument insists. Yes, Hell exists but it’s easy to avoid. Just believe and obey. Churches that terrify kids about Hell are wrong.

Sure a more lenient loving version of God would have helped out. But “believing and obeying” is NOT easy and Hell taught as a literal consequence even ONCE can be traumatic. This doctrine extends far beyond the more fundamentalist churches. I did not have pastors screaming fire and brimstone at me. But I was taught that my faith saved me and doubt was dangerous. I was taught that I was sinful and my obedience saved me. These are the ideas that left lasting scars and they are predominant in mainstream churches.

You need to read the Bible independently

This argument assumes I’ve heard the Bible taught at these churches that get it all wrong, and if I were to just read the word and take it at face value I wouldn’t experience trauma regarding its content.

My response to this one is always “Have YOU?” I have read the Bible from cover to cover. King James and NIV. It’s terrifying, bload-soaked, misogynist and contradictory. Read as fact, it’s traumatizing.

People in the church hurt you.

Don’t confuse Christians with Christ, the argument goes. This batch of believers can’t imagine the doctrine being hurtful so they assume traumatizing experiences happen because of individual people in the church.

My church family gave me a ton of love. But yes they also failed me. They pressured me into an abusive marriage. A pastor fondled me once. But these failures didn’t change my mind or heart about religion. I dug deeper into my faith. That’s when reason pushed back.

You just need more faith.

You’ve been given too many toxic ideas. Just pray for faith. You’ll feel Christ again. Don’t entertain the academics that plant demonic seeds of doubt. That’s where all this mental disturbance comes from. PRAY.

I’m done praying for faith. Fighting cognitive dissonance, scared to think through things critically, feeling guilt and shame for craving intellectual honesty. Fuck faith.

Under my post about religious trauma, a guy I know from disability support groups posted his story of divine healing. Complete with an attached reel of him mowing the lawn. Praise the Lord and pass the rake?

The Invalidation Experience

What was his point, so indignantly evangelizing to invalidate my experience? Why put my trauma on me, my interpretation and perception, instead of acknowledging that two people can have different experiences on the same pew?

Maybe I struck a little nerve. Maybe that narcissistic tone was was tuned by the chip on his shoulder- religious trauma he thinks he doesn’t have.

In any case it’s not my job to save him or anyone else anymore.

And he is not trying to save me either. Just to save face of his religion. It’s tied to his identity and pride. Who am I to come fucking that up with my subjective experience?

Who am I to plant a seed of doubt?